The Reality of Trying to ‘Do It All’ as a Mom

Recently, our dishwasher was broken for almost two months. Now, I know a broken dishwasher sounds like a minor inconvenience, but those two months changed my perspective! I suddenly found myself spending what felt like hours every day hand-washing dishes. As a result, everything else fell behind. The house looked like a bomb went off—clothes and toys everywhere, and every room seemed to be in chaos. I’ve rarely felt that overwhelmed. This small, daily task had a domino effect on the whole household, leaving me feeling like I was sinking under the pressure to “do it all.”

There’s an unspoken expectation that moms should be everything at once: the perfect wife, mother, homemaker, and woman. But this picture-perfect standard isn’t just unrealistic—it’s exhausting. In this post, I’m taking a candid look at what “doing it all” really entails, and I’ll share what I’ve learned along the way, including strategies that sometimes help (and those that don’t!).

The Juggle is Real

Balancing motherhood means trying to keep up with three major areas of life: marriage, parenting, and self-care. Here’s a closer look at the challenges each one brings:

Marriage (or Relationship)

• Keeping the Spark Alive: Amidst school runs, bedtime routines, and endless to-do lists, making time for your partner can feel impossible. And yet, those small moments to connect are vital for a strong partnership.
• Sharing the Load: Juggling parenting and household duties requires a shared approach, but even the best teamwork has its struggles. From differing expectations to managing responsibilities, keeping things balanced can sometimes bring up more stress than solutions.
• Finding Time for Romance and Fun: With kids, work, and daily life taking center stage, romance and fun often take a backseat. Finding time for just the two of you is important, even if it’s a quick coffee date at home after the kids are asleep.

Parenting

• Meeting the Needs of Your Kids: Parenting requires constant attention, energy, and care. Whether it’s school, playdates, or emotional support, being fully present for your kids is both incredibly rewarding and exhausting.
• Being Present: It’s tough to stay fully engaged with kids while juggling all the responsibilities in the background. We want to give them our undivided attention, but it often leads to feeling stretched thin or guilty when we fall short.
• Teaching and Guiding: Beyond the daily routines, parenting involves teaching values and life skills. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires a great deal of patience, time, and effort.

Personal Time and Self-Care

• Reclaiming Identity Outside of Motherhood: Many moms find it challenging to hold onto their own identity beyond “mom” or “wife.” Hobbies, friendships, and career goals often fall to the wayside as family life takes over.
• Physical and Mental Well-being: Self-care isn’t always easy to prioritize when everyone else’s needs come first. Yet without it, we risk burnout and exhaustion, which ultimately impacts everyone around us.
• Rest and Recharging: Time for yourself—whether it’s rest, a favorite hobby, or a quiet cup of coffee—feels like a luxury. But recharging is crucial to staying grounded and balanced.

Balancing these areas is a real struggle, and it requires a mix of realistic expectations and personal priorities. Perfection isn’t the goal—creating harmony that works for your family is.

Why It’s Hard to Do It All

Every mom knows the feeling of being pulled in too many directions at once. Whether it’s mom guilt, social pressures, or simply managing the mental load of parenting, every responsibility can feel like a full-time job. And then we scroll through social media, seeing seemingly “perfect” families, spotless homes, and children always smiling, dressed to perfection. It’s easy to feel inadequate. But here’s the truth: no one’s life is as perfect as it seems. Every mom is working hard, struggling with her own challenges, and three cups of coffee deep, trying to keep her sanity intact. This is real life, and you’re doing amazing. It may not be picture-perfect, but it’s perfect for your family.

Realistic Approaches to ‘Doing It All’

Here are some realistic approaches to help make the balancing act a little easier.

Prioritizing What Truly Matters

Focusing on what really matters can help you avoid burnout. Family time should be a priority, but that doesn’t mean you should forget yourself. Self-care is essential. A walk, a manicure, a massage—whatever helps you recharge is worth your time. For a practical approach, try a weekly check-in to reassess and adjust your priorities.

The Art of Saying ‘No’

Learning to say no is crucial. Moms often want to do it all, but taking on too much leads to stress, and nobody enjoys a fun family outing when everyone’s overwhelmed. Setting boundaries helps everyone stay balanced. And when it comes to the house, I’ve had to work on accepting help, too. Sometimes my husband offers to take on a chore, and I find myself saying, “I’ll handle it.” But he’s there to help, and we’re better off sharing the load.

Finding Small Moments for Yourself

Personal time doesn’t have to be hours long. Even just 10 minutes to savor a coffee, do a quick skincare routine, or enjoy a quiet moment can recharge you. These small acts of self-care really do add up.

Making Time for Your Partner

Amidst the hustle, finding time for your partner can be grounding. Whether it’s a weekly date night or a quick check-in over coffee, small moments of connection go a long way toward keeping your relationship strong.

Letting Go of Perfection

Embracing Imperfection

Letting go of perfection can actually make you a better mom and partner. I’m working on this myself. As a perfectionist, I sometimes get frustrated with the kids for making messes or being loud, but my husband reminds me that they’re just kids, having fun. They should be free to play, even if it means a little extra mess.

Social Media vs. Reality

Social media sets up a picture-perfect, often unattainable standard. With perfectly curated photos, it can seem like everyone else’s home is spotless and their kids always adorable. Social media also tempts me to buy things I don’t need, from holiday decorations to endless cute outfits for the kids. But real life is messier—and that’s perfectly okay.

Redefining Success

Success means something different for everyone. Figure out what it means to you in terms of motherhood, marriage, and self-care. Trying to do it all can be overwhelming, but success doesn’t have to mean perfection. Focus on what makes you and your family happy.

Tips for Staying Grounded

Daily Grounding Practices

Self-care doesn’t need to be a grand gesture; it can be a daily practice. Writing this blog, for example, has been incredibly therapeutic. Stretching, exercising, and journaling are all small activities that help me stay centered.

Remembering Your ‘Why’

Mental health is key to being the best mom and partner you can be. Eating well, staying active, and taking care of yourself benefits everyone. And if you slip up? That’s okay. We all need a little grace sometimes.

Finding Your Support System

Friends and family are essential. Whether you need a good vent session or a reason to leave the house, maintaining relationships can help you stay grounded and balanced. Don’t get lost in the to-do list; your mental health is just as important as everyone else’s well-being.

We Can Do This!

At the end of the day, “doing it all” doesn’t mean doing it perfectly, and it definitely doesn’t mean doing it alone. Each small victory, each messy, beautiful moment is part of what makes your family’s story unique.

Take joy in those little wins and give yourself the grace to let go of unrealistic standards. I’d love to hear from you! What helps you stay balanced as a mom? Share your tips or stories in the comments, and let’s build a community of support for one another.